Potts on Pots (The Toilet Seat Blog)

Darrell Potts

Even in a blog like this, I’m not afraid to tackle difficult issues from time to time. This week, I am barreling head-first into one of the most controversial issues of our time: the toilet seat; up or down?

There is perhaps no other topic in modern marriages that provokes the controversy and rage as much as this topic. Just like other men, I have been told by women my entire life that the seat should always be left in the down position. And, just like most men, I often forget and leave it in the up position, prompting a scolding from my mom or wife. Today, as we approach the 21st century, I am calling for men everywhere to begin a change. Robert Lindler once said, “As a dimension of man, rebellion actually defines him.” Now is the time for men to rebel together and leave the toilet seat up when finished.

There are several problems with the current system of toilet etiquette we are expected to observe. First of all, it is outdated. As the roles of women has changed in modern society (from our homes to our businesses), it has not changed in the bathroom. They still seem to rely on man to take all responsibility for the toilet seat position, while themselves only complaining when we forget.

Men are expected to 1) pull the seat up, 2) be accurate, and 3) return the seat to the down position while women only have to 1) sit. Understandably, many women complain that finding a seat in the up position in the middle of the night can be extremely unpleasant. However, men are expected to perform their three responsibilities no matter what the time of day. I’m not asking for women to start putting the seat in the up position all the time, only that men are allowed to leave it up upon completion.

My argument for leaving the seat alone when you are finished has mathematical support. Let's say that men and women go to the bathroom an equal amount of times. Also, let's assume guys go "#1" four times for every "#2". Now if the female goes, the seat has to be down. If the male goes, it may be up or down depending on the use. So the following table emerges.

Total % of Toilet Use

Male #1 40%

Male #2 10%

Female 50%

If everyone keeps using the current form of etiquette and always returns the seat to the down position, the male has to move the seat 80% of the time he uses the bathroom. Of the two people, for every 100 bathroom trips, the seat has to be moved a total of 80 times (40 male #1 trips x 2 motions - considering that the seat is returned to the down position every time it is pulled up).

Now, if we change etiquette and simply leave the seat in its last position of use, the maximum number of times it needs to be moved is once to adjust to the current position. In this case, the seat is in the incorrect position 60% of the time for male #1, and for male #2 and female use, it is incorrect 40% of the time. So for every 100 bathroom trips, the seat has to be moved 24 times (60% of 40 male #1 trips) + 24 (40% of 60 male #2 and female) for a total of 48 times. A savings of 32 toilet seat motions per 100 bathroom trips!

While women would be asked to complete more total motions than in the current system, they would always have gravity working with them.

In the words of John F. Kennedy, “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.” Let’s starting working towards a resolution to this age-old problem. Men, take the energy you’re saving by leaving the seat up and utilize it to concentrate on accuracy. Women, accept your new responsibility and remember to look first in the middle of the night. Together, we can make the toilet a better place for everybody.