Over a decade into this new millenia, I think it’s time to speak up for an oft-maligned, misunderstood group of people. As one of these people, I only regret that it has taken me so long to speak out for my lifestyle. Today, I proudly admit that I am a procrastinator.
“Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?” Thousands, even millions of procrastinators like myself live by this creed each and every day. We are drawn to the lifestyle of putting things off by several varying motivations. Some of us become procrastinators in the eyes of society because our priorities don’t fall in line with what the majority of people think we should deem as critical. Some of us become procrastinators for health reasons. Some of us have witnessed the effects of this world’s chaotic, frantic pace first-hand and have taken it upon ourselves to slow things down. For our philosophical ideals, we are scolded, criticized, yelled at and even condemned by the organized “do-it-todayers” of the world. I, for one, am tired of all the abuse.
Largely misunderstood for centuries, procrastinators like myself are a proud people. We believe that not only is procrastination not a bad thing, but when used correctly can actually become a powerful tool in a person’s life. It is this belief that leaves us striving each and every day to do what “procrastinaphobes” might never accomplish; wait patiently for tomorrow.
The first step to becoming a successful procrastinator is to put some things off until the last possible moment. Start out with a couple of small things: studying for a quiz, completing a small project at work, or just waking up 20 minutes late. After a few weeks of putting off smaller things until the last possible moment, you can move on to the bigger stuff.
Having been a procrastinator most of my life, there are several things I am able to do that would petrify a “procrastinaphobe.” I do all of my Christmas shopping after dark on Christmas Eve. I can wake up, shower, eat breakfast (Pop Tarts), and be at my office in seven minutes flat. I know exactly how many miles my car will go after the empty light comes on and rarely ever run out of gas. The list goes on and on, but as I only have 12 minutes to finish this blog I have to get to the point.
Procrastinators like myself “wait” in order to create an environment of extreme pressure. Procrastination breeds pressure and those who best learn to deal with this pressure are more likely to succeed in a tight situation. Thus, emerges the procrastinator’s formula:
RESPONSIBILITIES / TIME = SUCCESS. If you have 20 responsibilities to attend to, and they take you four days, you have achieved a success factor of five. However, if you save all 20 for the last day, you will achieve a success factor of 20! (20/1=20) In today’s “portable, spill-proof coffee mug, USB compatible, no time to read my e-mail, U.S.A. Today, call me in my car, 5-minute rice, fully microwavable, 15-minute guarantee or lunch is free” business world, assignments often have to be completed three to four working days before you even know what you’re working on. Procrastination is the most proven method of training known.
Recent studies have shown that stress causes heart disease, ulcers and several other physical problems. A “do-it-todayer” might worry about getting things organized and done six or even seven days a week. However, an experienced procrastinator would be able to worry about the same things in just one day. Thus, he is about six or seven times less likely to develop stress-related heart disorders and will probably end up having a few extra years to get things done anyway.
Living a lifestyle of procrastination isn’t without its problems. I’ve been doing it all of my life and I still make minor miscalculations that cause me to miss a deadline for an assignment, have to purchase Christmas gifts that I know are the wrong size or color, run out of gas or pay late fees on bills. It takes practice to perfect procrastination, and I’m still several years from mastering the art.
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